Once upon a time...

...yes that's right this story is going to begin with a cliche and a well used one at that.

So once upon a time there was a Damsel who as fortune would have it was locked in a tower. Don't worry we'll get to the fortune bit later.

And so as is the same in all 'fairy tales' the wizard men went to fetch the knight. Hold on 'Wizard men'??
Yes 'wizard men' we'll get to that bit later as well.

So anyway the Wizard men went to get the Knight or I should say Ninja knight. Ninja Knight??
I see your going to question everything I say, yes Ninja knight. he not only looks a bit like a ninja but he supposedly has ninja skills as well, but that remains to be seen.

Ninja Knight listened to the 'Wizard men's' sorry tale and gave one decisive nod. The 'wizard men' knew for sure then, that the Knight would go to save the Damsel. But he didn't even speak???
I know he didn't speak! The Ninja Knight doesn't need to speak, he always considers everything very carefully and then makes his move. In fact he very rarely shows any emotion. A nod is quite a big deal.

With the decision made the 'Wizard men' drifted back to they're homeland to wait until they were needed next. Drifted? Homeland? Where do they live??
That is the beauty of the 'Wizard Men' they are a mystery, they move in mysterious ways and we have no idea where they go when they are not in the story..unless I decide to reveal more later. Now be patient.

Where was I? Ah yes the 'Wizard Men' having performed their duties drifted off  in their mysterious way and Ninja Knight turned to his trusty stead, Sid and gave another nod. Sid! What kind of name for a horse is Sid??
Sid is no ordinary horse, Sid is a skeletal horse, we think he may have had hair and organs and the like at some point but no one's really sure.

Unfortunately for Sid or Ninja Knight, depending on which perspective your looking at the situation from, Sid's calcium intake had gotten pretty low so when 'Knight jumped into the saddle he collapsed in an impressive pile of bones, leaving 'Knight looking bemused (which is pretty much the same expression as he usually has). Of course Sid is a magical horse, but old magical horses need time to repair and the Knight had no time to waste, he had a Damsel to save! So with much clinking and groaning the Knight picked himself up and looked around. It seemed he would need a new trusty stead... He just left Sid??
Yes he knew that Sid would put himself back together, it would just take some time and probably a few buckets of milk and a Milkybar or two.


So what's the Ninja Knight going to do??
Well the Ninja Knight had two options, he could take his not so trusty stead; Gordon, who is a very small purple Dragon, who to be honest is two sizes to small for the Knight to ride - but he has tried before - or he could walk - his power walking had improved immensely since he had started training for 'The Walk for Life'. The 'Knight considered his options carefully...

Just as the Knight was coming to his decision a strange wind blew up from the East and 'The Wizard Men' drifted in from their mysterious homeland.
"Hello Mr knight. We can help you out with you conundrum."
The Knight gave them one of his looks.
"In return for a favour we will give you Go Faster GreaseTm that will increase your Ninja Skills and get you to the Damsel in half the time."
The Knight appeared to consider this, you could almost see the cogs turning in his head.
Wait wait back up a second, Go Faster Grease TM?? 
Yes the Go Faster Grease is a Trademark of the Warrington Wizard Wanderers. I would get in a lot of trouble if I didn't say that is was a trademarked product. Even if it is only accessible by certain magical entities.
Now back to the story...The Knight considered the 'Wizard Mens' proposal and...(long pause)...Nodded.

And so in no time at all the Knight using his Greased upTM Ninja skills arrived at the tower where the Damsel was imprisoned.
Why's Greased upTM trademarked??
Oh thats because Greased UpTM is the slogan for Go Faster GreaseTM, so it's also Trademarked. It's annoying when Product placement gets in the way of a story isn't it?!
Now hush up or we're never going to get to the exciting part of the story.

Right where was I, ah yes, the Knight arrived at the tower where the Damsel was imprisoned. Now the Ninja Knight might have amazing ninja skills and fight like a pro but he isn't the brightest button in the barrel. So with a battle cry he drew his Saber Sword and charged the tower! Saber sword??
I knew you would ask about the sword! His sword is aptly named Saber Sword because it is far too long and bright blue! So is it like made of plasma like a Lightsaber??
..*ahem hem* Ehr why don't you Er just wait and see?!

It's no surprise that with a loud Plink he rebounded off the tower and with a Whoosh and a clank landed flat on his back. He blinked in surprise. (The blink shows his surprise!) There followed a mighty crumbling sound and to the increasing surprise of the 'Knight (He blinked again) some eyes appeared in the tower. They Blinked. Then with a further rumble some eyebrows appeared and they frowned. Some mortar began to crumble away from the tower at this point.
The 'Knight  blinked again and his eye grew wide.
His eye? Don't you mean eyeS??
No I mean eye. You can only see one of the 'Knights eyes, hence his name: Ninja Knight. It's also a little known fact that under his armour he is actually missing an eye! He traded it with a witch for...*ahem* anyway that's a story for another day.

A cracking sound was coming from the tower, a mouth was appearing. With a pop the Wizard men reappeared!
"You cannot fight this tower Ninja Knight. If you do not do what we tell you the tower will swallow you whole!
It is time for you to return the favour you traded for Go Faster GreaseTM."
The Knight did not move, merely looked at the 'Wizard Men'.
So are you going to tell me why they're called 'Wizard Men' yet??
Oh you are impatient! Fine I shall tell you a little about the 'Wizard Men'. They have been dubbed the 'Wizard Men' for a few reasons, the most obvious being that they wear what is commonly called a pointed wizards hat, they appear in the story 'as if by magic' and they have an air of mystery around them that only high level wizards can achieve, little else is known about them. The term men is used loosely as we have no idea what gender they are - no one can get that close to them
Now can I carry on with the story?
But don't the 'Wizard Men' have names??
If I knew their names I would have told you.

The 'Wizard Men' continued:
"To overcome the towers power and save the Damsel you must journey into the mountains and through the Kitshnel pass to the home of the Hag. There you must learn of the 'Hags great pain' and help her to overcome it..."

Slowly the Ninja Knights eye grew wide. And then with a blink his eye returned to normal. Very slowly he gave one great nod. (A significant display of emotion from the Knight)

After the knight nodded, just like a leaf falling from a tree in autumn, two single blue hairs floated down from the tower and landed neatly on his hand, just as if they had meant to land there. They were the Damsels hairs, So Ninja Knight would be able to come back to her.

"You have enough Go Faster GreaseTM to get to the bottom of the Kitschnel pass but after that you must rely on your own skills"

Infinitely slowly the Knight shook is head. At this point the "Wizard Men' appeared to freeze. Aren't they usually still?
No the 'Wizard Men' usually float.
They also appeared to grow in size.

"YOU MUST USE YOUR OWN SKILLS ON THE KITSCHNEL PASS!!"

The Knight appeared to shake slightly. The 'Wizard Men' grew still further. The Knight blinked. The 'Wizard Men' grew. The Knight blinked again. And still the 'Wizard Men' grew taller. Slowly the knights mouth opened. I thought he didn't have a mouth??
He doesn't usually thats why it's such a big deal when his mouth appears!
Oooooh.

"YOU MUST USE YOUR OWN SKILLS"

The Knight shook for a moment more and then blinked and closed his mouth. He then did a very strange thing, he turned his head and his eye to the sky and nodded and then turned and with his Greased UpTM  powers headed off in the direction of the Kitschnel pass...